I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
