TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
