I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
