you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
