I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
