She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
