Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
