Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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