I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have aggressive nipples.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
