The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
