I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
