No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
