I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize