i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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