I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
