i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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