p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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