I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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