And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
