My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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