Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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