Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
