Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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