She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
