At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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