My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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