I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
