My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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