dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
