Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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