So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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