It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
