First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
