$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
