My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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