I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
