i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
