I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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