I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
