Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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