I skipped work to stalk him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
