hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
