I just pynch a tree in the face
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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