Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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