question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
