Im at strip club and am horny
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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