recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
