Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
