Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
