i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
