Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he shaved USA in his pubs
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
