Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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