one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
