Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
