I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
