is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
