bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
